How Perfectionism Shows Up In Your Studio

Antrese Wood: Hello there, and welcome to another episode of the Savvy Painter Podcast. I'm your host, Antrese Wood, and if you are new here, welcome. So glad you found me. If you've been listening for a while, welcome back. I'm super happy to have you here. In this episode, we are diving into perfectionism.

This is part four in a four-part series from a live event. These topics have been coming up a lot, a lot, a lot in my conversations with artists. So I wanted to share these events with all of you. If you haven't picked up on the pattern yet, there is a worksheet for perfectionism as well. You are welcome to pick that up in the show notes.

As always, it is designed to help you just gain an understanding of where this shows up in your life and give you a little bit of awareness around it. Because that's the only way that you're going to be able to shift it. Okay, here we go.

So friends, we're going to talk about perfectionism today. All the different, many ways it shows up in our studio and throughout our practice. There are really obvious ways that perfectionism shows up. A lot of times, I think we have the idea that perfectionism shows up in our artwork, in the sense that we've got to get everything rendered perfectly.

I think sometimes the idea might be, it's either got to be almost, I don't think we are consciously saying this to ourselves, but I think there's this idea that it has to be like a photograph in a way, even though we know we don't want our work to be like a photograph or it's gotta be like Rembrandt or there's some idea that we have in our head that is what perfection is.

The only thing that we really know about our individual ideas about perfection is that whatever we're doing is not it. We typically do not have an idea about it in the sense of “Oh, I can tell you when I have reached perfection.” We don't have that definition, I think, because intellectually, we know that we can't be perfect so there's a little bit of a disconnect there.

Yet our behaviors demonstrate that somewhere in the back of our mind, we think that there is a standard that we're supposed to reach and that that's perfectionism. We're sure we're not a master artist. Yet it's a little bit like perfectionism, we're not really clear on what a master is and we need other people to tell us if we are or not for the most part.

There's a connection in this I think for artists and I love Brene Brown's definition of perfectionism is that perfectionism is something that's external to you. I have a lot of thoughts about what exactly is perfectionism and how does it show up for us artists in our studios. I think a really good comparison is perfectionism and mastery.

Perfectionism is looking outside of yourself for validation, looking outside of yourself for acceptance, looking outside of self for self-worth. If you think of all of our concepts of perfection, it's really hard to nail it down what exactly it is because it's defining who they are. It's a shapeshifter, it's always moving, it's always just a little bit out of our reach.

If we take that as the definition of perfectionism, that perfectionism is looking outside of ourself for our own validation, looking outside of ourself for acceptance and looking outside of ourself for “Am I okay?” mastery is looking inside for validation, looking inside for acceptance and self-worth.

Perfectionism will have you people-pleasing. Perfectionism will have you wanting to make sure that everybody else thinks that you're okay. While mastery is holding your inner wisdom in very high regard. Perfectionism will have you doing things like overworking a painting.

Mastery is trusting yourself and making the marks on your canvas with conviction. Remember yesterday we were talking about overworking, or yesterday the day before we were talking about that on Tuesday, one of the main reasons we overwork a painting is because we don't trust ourselves and there's so much indecision in what we're doing.

Perfectionism will have us making things very, very complicated because whether it's painting or whether it is our art practice in general, the business of our art, it will get very, very complicated because it's not good enough as it is. So I better do more, I better add more, et cetera, et cetera. Whereas mastery is allowing yourself to make it easy and simple and trusting that you know what's best for you.

Perfectionism invites indecision and inability to commit to a decision, whereas mastery is knowing that any decision you make is the right decision because you will make it the right decision because you always have your own back. Perfectionism results in having dozens and dozens of unfinished paintings because you won't allow yourself to be done, because you're always thinking there's something wrong or that it could be better.

You're thinking it could be better from a place of not wanting somebody else to find fault in it or not allowing it to be criticized or not allowing something to be wrong with it. Whereas in mastery, thinking it could be better comes from a healthy ambition of wanting to see what is possible for you with your art. It's coming more from a place of curiosity and openness than from “I'm not good enough or there might be something wrong with it. Just hang on, I'll find it. There's definitely something wrong with this.”

Perfectionism is bouncing around between genres and subject matters from this place of grasping us, a sense of FOMO, that fear of missing out. It's bouncing between genres and subject matters because you're chasing what you think somebody else might like or because you think what you're currently doing isn't good enough. Whereas in mastery, playing and exploring with different genres and subject matters comes from curiosity, genuine curiosity, genuine intuition, awe, wonder.

I'm so curious about how do I do that? I want to surprise myself and just look at what is it that I'm capable of doing? Perfectionism has us taking really frantic action. It's trying to be everything and everywhere all at the same time, because you got to get it all. Or it's either that frantic action or it's no action, like the deer in the headlights. Because there's that thought of “No matter what I do, it's not going to be enough,” and the indecision comes in.

Mastery is calm and confident and certain. Mastery takes breaks from a place of self-care, of like, “Yes, I want to rest my mind and rest my body so that I can continue to paint.” It's taking a break from self-care as opposed to fear and indecision.

Perfection has us thinking things like, “I need this exact color. There's a tube out there that has this perfect color and that's why I can't finish my painting.” Or there is a brush out there and that's the reason or a light bulb. So perfectionism has this thinking that we need these exact precise tools that other artists know about, that we don't know about before we can create something.

Whereas mastery doesn't blame the materials. Mastery is just like “What have I got? Because I have an idea and I'm going to make this happen.” That's that certainty and conviction. Perfectionism has us taking course after course after course without digesting any of it or taking the time to put into practice what we've learned.

Before one course is even done, you're already signing up for the next one. That action is coming from a feeling of lack. It's that frantic action-taking. It comes from anxiousness. As opposed to mastery, it's a strategic and thoughtful decision about what specific skill gap you're trying to close, because you know what you want, you know what that skill is that you're trying to get for your artwork.

Perfectionism is also very unforgiving. There is no room for error with perfectionism. This piece of perfectionism always reminds me of, I'm sure you all have heard this analogy of a baby learning how to walk and how we would encourage a baby learning how to walk.

We wouldn't talk to a baby learning to do something, learning to walk for the first time the way that we often talk to ourselves when we are learning something, but here's the thing, that all applies, yes, of course, but the thing that we've forgotten is that all of the falls and all of it getting back up again were essential to the baby learning how to walk.

That is how the baby, that is how every single one of you built the muscles that you now use to walk with such confidence. The muscles were not developed enough to stand. That's why the baby falls over. Every time the baby falls over and gets back up, it's building that muscle. It's the standing and falling and getting back up that builds all the muscles in our bodies that allow us to walk for the first time. Then we walk and it's super wobbly and we build more muscles and then we run.

It's wobbly and unstable because the muscles that we needed as babies to balance weren't fully developed yet. They were created every single time we fell down and got back up every time we used the table to figure out how to balance. Mastery is very forgiving. Mastery knows that love is always the answer. Always.

Mastery is never aggressive. It's never arrogant. It's never unkind to yourself. You can be masterful without being cruel to yourself, because with mastery, you have your own back always. With perfectionism, we want other people to reassure ourselves. Mastery knows I belong here. This is my place. Perfectionism wants other people to validate.

Mastery knows I'm worthy of calling myself an artist and I don't expect myself to be perfect. Perfectionism wants us to hide because to perfectionism, rejection is death. Mastery is being willing to experience any emotion. We talked about this on Tuesday, right? Willing to experience any emotion because you know that feelings are just a vibration in your body and those vibrations are not worth sacrificing all of the wondrous possibilities that you have inside of you waiting to come out.

Mia is asking if I can repeat the part about the vibrations, yes, absolutely. Just out of curiosity, tell me what are you feeling right now?

Mia: Okay, right now, I'm fine, but when you brought up perfectionism and you talked about it, I wrote down frantic, panicky, needy, and also taking class after class sometimes, not taking it in and using it and feeling like I'm still scrambling like a cat, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," "I didn't get it, I didn't get it, I didn't get it" kind of feeling.

Antrese Wood: Let's go with that feeling. We're just going to explore that feeling for a second. That feeling of frantic and that kind of feeling like the cat doing this, what does that feel like in your body, the physical sensation?

Mia: Here, it gets here.

Antrese Wood: In your chest, you can feel it there in your chest. What is it? Is it hard or is it soft? Describe it to me as if I have never data from Star Trek, I've never experienced an emotion in my life. What is this in your chest that's happening? I don't understand.

Mia: It's unsteady, it does have a vibration, it has an energy that is dark.

Antrese Wood: Dark, like it's black?

Mia: It almost has a smell, it stinks, I don't know. It's heavy.

Antrese Wood: Okay, so I'm data, I've never experienced this before. I have no emotion. What I'm hearing is it's stinky and there's a pressure to it and there's a bit of a vibration. Okay. I've never experienced that before so then my question would be how bad is this that you do so much to try to avoid it? Are you going to die from that pressure and that vibration and that stinky smell?

Mia: Well, when you're experiencing it, the panic can be so overwhelming. You will want it to go away.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, so it's really uncomfortable. It's not fun. For sure, it doesn't sound fun.

Mia: No.

Antrese Wood: Right. What do you think causes that anxiety, that panic? If you're just feeling that emotion, just how it feels in the body, that vibration, all of that, what typically happens is the actual physical sensation that you're feeling when you're feeling that franticness, and we all probably feel it a little bit different. It's a little bit pressure, it's a pressure and it's uncomfortable, there's a vibration, and there's an energy.

Then our brain tells us all these stories about it. Our brain is like, “Oh, my God, this is really bad.” So the brain starts feeding itself and we get into this cycle of this anticipation of something really bad is going to happen, but the actual physical sensation when you're feeling that frantic at that moment, if you just allow yourself to feel it, it's just that pressure in your chest and that vibration in your body and that energy.

That's the thing that we are often so afraid of, we’re unwilling to feel it. So we'll do so many things to avoid that. I don't want to feel whatever the feeling for disappointment is or whatever the physical sensation that happens in our body when we feel disappointed, we feel rejected, or we feel frustrated because things aren't going well or we feel impatient. That's another one, like “I feel impatient.”

I'm super impatient, all of you. I'm a very impatient person. That feeling in my body, whatever that vibration is, when we think of feelings as really allowing ourself to feel it and recognize, “What is actually happening in my body? Not what my brain is telling me,” because our brain is going to tell us that the world is ending. Our brain is going to tell us, “Oh, you're going to die, you are totally going to die right now. If they reject you, it'll be so embarrassing. It'll be so humiliating.”

Then your brain's just going to start adding and adding and adding. Then your body responds to that. Your body's like, “Wait a minute, we're going to die. All the adrenaline needs to come. We better get ready, fight, flight, or freeze, something's going to happen. This is life-threatening.” But that's the emotion that we're talking about.

Mia: It's exactly those three things.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, so our brain invents all these stories about it. Our brain is just like, “Oh, my God, here it comes. It's going to be bad. It's really, really bad. This is awful. Wait, wait,” but our actual physical sensation that we're experiencing, just a vibration. It's amazing when you think about it that way.

What we talked about is this idea that all the reasons that we don't do what we want to do is because we take action because we want to feel something or we don't want to feel something. We act or we don't act in response to that. If your brain is telling you that this is going to be horrible and this is going to be awful and that you're going to die, then of course you're not going to want to do it.

Of course, you're not going to want to answer that email. Of course, you're not going to want to submit your work into the gallery. Of course, you're not going to want to finish your painting if it's not going to be right and somebody's going to criticize it. Those are all the thoughts that are hanging out in the back of our heads, that oftentimes we just accept them as truth.

Any thought that comes into our head, we just believe it, we're like, “Yep, my brain said so, of course, that's true.” This is where this awareness comes in. Our idea is about perfection and being willing to feel any emotion in service of our art. Would I be willing, for example, to feel embarrassed if I posted something on the internet, and 100 people said it was terrible?

If I'm not conscious of it, my brain is going to be like, “Oh, my God, if you post something on the internet, and 100 people, 100 people tell you it's terrible, like that's the worst painting I've ever seen, can you imagine how humiliated you will feel? Can you imagine just the sheer embarrassment of that?” This is what my brain's going to tell me, “You're going to die. That's going to be terrible. That's going to be awful. You know what's better? Don't post it. Don't put yourself through that because that is death.”

That's what our brain starts to tell us unless we're willing to examine the thought, take a minute to really put it into perspective, and then say, “Okay, what is actually happening here?” That make sense? I’ll give you a super long, really detailed explanation.

We have these tendencies. When our brain tells us that we're going to die, then it responds. It's like, “Okay, we're going to die, so we better do something. We're either going to fight, we're going to run away, we're going to freeze, or there's also fawning.” It's fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. That shows up in all these different ways with our art.

Let's take a look at this. How about this? Give me one way that you might know that you are leaning towards that perfectionist tendency in your work. Didi's saying not finishing the paintings over painting, not sharing, overworking. Don't look at it yet, it's not finished. Yeah. Yeah, that's another one. That is a really good one is if you think about social media or showing your work, giving all the caveats.

“Here's the painting but here's everything wrong with it. I'm going to tell you everything's wrong with it before you can because I want to make sure you know that I know.” Your brain doesn't want anyone else to criticize you so it's going to do it first.

When you have that signal, once you start to build the awareness for when perfectionism is showing up and you start to gain that awareness, you can often feel it in your body and that's another signal first. Even if you can't recognize, “What am I thinking about that's causing this? What am I worrying about?” Typically, it's something like, “What will people think?” That is the best one. Or “Is this good enough?” It's some form of that.

If you can feel that tension in your body and get curious, “Oh, I know,” for example, Mia, when you were saying that feeling you get in your chest, so for all of us, we'll have that experience slightly differently, so when you sense that vibration, that energy in your chest, you'll start to recognize, “Oh, that's different from being excited because when I feel excited, I get this tingling in my fingers,” or something like that.

So you start to get this awareness and then you start to realize, “Oh, I'm feeling that particular sensation in my body, what am I thinking about right now that's causing me to feel frantic and anxious? What's going on in my mind right now?” With awareness, you have choice. That's all it is.

It's impossible for you to be aware of every single thought that goes through your head. We think so fast, our brains work so quickly, it's impossible to be aware of everything. That's when it's really helpful to start to notice, “Oh, I'm feeling that sensation. That's the tendency for perfectionism. What am I thinking about right now? What do I want to think about my work instead? Well, how can I practice mastery with myself?”

Who wants coaching? Pat.

Pat: For me, my go-to is too many brush strokes when I'm feeling the perfectionism versus the mastering.

Antrese Wood: Okay. Why do you think you're doing too many brush strokes? What's going on in your head?

Pat: I'm quite uncertain. It's a lack of confidence, basically. I can justify it by saying, “Well, I'm layering in color, which you need to do.” But the reality is the brush is getting smaller or it's just I'm over-layering because this is not good, I got to make it better. This is awful.

Antrese Wood: Yeah. How do you know that it's awful?

Pat: That's the thing. I don't, but I do know that what I'm trying to do is when I can recognize that feeling, that's the right time. That's time to set that painting down, either for the day, for an hour, or for lunch, and shift gears to something else, because then I usually get a reset.

Antrese Wood: There are a lot of actions that you're taking so it's always really interesting to just start to build that awareness. You mentioned, for example, that the brushes get smaller. Why do you think you would switch the brush and grab a smaller one?

Pat: I think I started to associate a nice clean line with perfectionism, with being perfect rather. If it's looking too messy, then I'm thinking that maybe in my mind it's like, “Oh, this is the work of an amateur because it's messy.”

Antrese Wood: How many people do this or something similar? I know I do. We start thinking, “Oh, this isn't working. Let me do something different.” At that moment, your thought is that the brush is what's causing it.

Pat: Actually, I was just thinking, that isn't actually necessary. Sometimes I switch brushes, but that's not the most common thing. Actually, I will try to make the cleaner line with the same brush. I don’t necessarily change it.

Here's the process. I start painting and then if the doubt starts creeping in, then okay, so this doesn't look good. I'm going to fix it. I just need to add more detail. Then I have so much detail. I'm an oil painter, so then now the colors are starting to work towards mud. Then it’s like, “Okay, I need to clean this up.”

Antrese Wood: Do you recognize the pattern in this detail? How does adding detail clean things up for you?

Pat: That's a very good question. I never even thought of it, actually until I'm telling you right now. I don't even know.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, so that's right there, Pat, that's an amazing awareness. That's actually very, very powerful because if you realize, “Oh, when I'm uncertain about my paintings, I go to more detail.” That can be a little signal for you to just pause for a second and step back from your painting.

Pat: Yeah, definitely. That's a really great thought.

Antrese Wood: Yeah.

Pat: Thank you.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, absolutely. So for all of you, I want to loop back, because I think that what Pat brought up is really important. There's the impulse that she has, “I'm going to add more detail.” What's very important to note is what's happening is she's adding more detail in an effort to change something different. It's coming from a place of, “This isn't working. This isn't good enough.” The thought is, “This isn't working,” or, “This is messy,” I think are the words that you said, right, Pat? You said, “This is messy.”

Pat: Yes.

Antrese Wood: Yeah. The thought is, “This is messy.” If you're thinking, “Oh, my painting's a mess. This is messy,” what is the feeling that you would have if you were looking at your painting and you're thinking, “Oh, this is messy?”

Pat: Yeah. Brokey, a newbie, [inaudible] master.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, okay. You were saying you were feeling like an amateur earlier. She looks at the painting and she thinks, “This is messy.” Then her feeling is, “I'm an amateur.” It's feeling amateurish so then you start to add more detail.

Pat: Yeah.

Antrese Wood: Okay. What happens then is what you get from that is a painting that's overworked. I want to loop back for everybody because on Tuesday, we talked about trusting your intuition. How does this fit? When you look at your painting and you think, “It's messy. I feel like an amateur,” so your impulse from that is to add more detail but you're not getting the result that you want, how does that connect?

Antrese Wood: Just notice the thought pattern of, “I'm an amateur” is very judgmental. Doesn't feel too great. So your higher self is not going to offer you that. Your higher self is not going to cut you down. Your higher self is going to look at the painting and go, “Oh, the vision in my head is this and what I'm seeing is different. What exactly is different and what do I need to do to close that gap?” without cutting you down.

Then your intuition, your true higher self intuition is going to offer you a move that will bring you closer to the vision that's in your head. The way that you know the difference is that feeling that I was talking about with Mia, that amateur feeling, that closing down feeling.

Sometimes we don't always have strong words for our emotions. If we're not used to doing this work, sometimes it's really hard to be like, “Is it anxiety? What's the fine little thing?” Really the quickest way to it for all of you now who are just starting out with this and maybe aren't used to finding the words, it's just, “Is it opening or closing?”

When I think, “This is messy,” and there's another thought in there, underneath that there's a sort of, “I'm not good enough,” that's closing versus your higher self is going to be offering like, “Oh, you know what? I know what we want to do here. I'm seeing the image in its entirety. I'm not getting tunnel vision. My brain is open and I'm seeing the whole thing. Here's our next move.”

Feel for that. Mia, what I was saying to you is that when you start to sense those vibrations in your body and we know like, A, it's only a vibration, but B, you start to distinguish, open or close. For all of you too, one thing I think is really important to know, I just want to make sure nobody ever uses these ideas or these concepts against you.

My Growth Studio friends, you know the cardinal rule number one in Growth Studio is you never, ever, ever beat yourself up. You never use this against yourself. Just so you know, most people can only identify three main emotions. The majority of people are not very in tune with their emotions, it's just not something that we ever learned.

Most people can identify happy, sad, and pissed off. Those are our go-to's. Those we just know immediately. For these purposes, you just really need to know two emotions or two feelings, “Do I feel open or do I feel closed?” That will get you in the ballpark and you'll be able to do a lot with that.

Christina, I love that, it makes me feel more in control. Yeah, which is kind of funny because we're not actually that much in control of our work. We think we are, but we're not totally in control. That's what makes it interesting and fun. It’s the happy accidents. That sense of perfection is oftentimes a feeling of wanting to be in control.

I want to know the outcome. I want to know ahead of time. I want the crystal ball. I want to know that everything's okay. The need for perfectionism or that sort of quest is very hardwired into us because we needed it to survive.

Belonging is hardwired into us because we needed everybody else in our group in order to find food, get shelter, and all of those things. We don't need that as much, but we still need people for our emotional needs. A lot of this, we picked up so many of these perfectionist tendencies as children, whether purposely or not, some of us learned things like, “Achievement gets me attention and love. Being a good girl gets me the attention and love from my family. Being the strong little man in the house, that gives me attention and love.”

So we learned all these things of, “This is how I survive.” So we pick all that up and we bring it with us into our art. We pick it up and we bring it with us everywhere else. A lot of times, it's really important to look good and to dress nice and to be polite and to have all these social tendencies that we were taught. The way that shows up in our art is sometimes the wires get crossed and we think that we have to do the perfect thing, say the perfect thing, or we're never going to get into a gallery.

One word that's out of order, one grammatical error, and we're done. That's what our brain tells us. If that's what our brain is telling us, then no wonder, it makes so much sense that talking about your work is really hard, and that writing your bio brings up anxiety.

Because if these ideas are unchecked, running loose in our heads, I was talking about the little squirrels running around, if they're running loose in our heads and we're not aware of it, somebody can ask you, "Hey, I love your work, tell me more about it," and your brain's like, “No, no, no, you're going to die. Get it right. You better get it right. You better get it exactly right in the right order with the right inflection. All of it has to be perfect or you're going to die.”

Somebody asked you about your work and you're like, “He might just like to paint. I'm just going to keep it simple and not say anything and I'm going to be very quiet now and hope that I don't get hurt.” That's what we do. All of it makes absolute sense and now you just start to look for the awareness, now you just start looking for the openings.

All you're looking for, just like with Pat, is just that little crack, just that little tiny, can you get your finger in there and make a little bit of space for you to open up and just start trying one new thing? Sometimes you can just see it and you're like, “Oh, I'm not doing that anymore. Done.”

But sometimes you need a little help with that, or sometimes you need a little bit of dipping your toe in the water. Make sure that you're absolutely safe as you're doing this. Your brain might need that from you. Your job as a master artist is to do that with love, to protect the artist but always respond with love, which is something that we haven't been taught to do for ourselves.

We are usually taught to do that for other people, but if we do it for ourselves, then that's selfish, that's arrogance and all the other things. Rejection for me is difficult to accept. Madalonga, would you like to come on? There you are. Hi.

Madalonga: Yes, my English is not so good.

Antrese Wood: It's okay.

Madalonga: Yes. Rejection, I think, is the biggest problem for me. When we are talking about perfectionism, being a part of the group, exclusion. You speak that before when the primary need of the child, the protector, the family and not be rejected, I think that it's a similar feeling. Yes, I think so.

Antrese Wood: Yeah. This is where we have that opportunity again, “Can I just carve out just a little bit of space there for myself to open up a different thought?” Now you can understand, of course, if I experience rejection, and my underlying belief is that if I am rejected, I'm going to be pushed out of this group, and being pushed out of this group means I'm alone in this world or that sort of primal fear is, “I'm away from my people. I have no protection. I have no support,” then any form of rejection will bring up those primal sensations of, “This is terrifying. This is serious. This could be death.”

Knowing where it comes from, knowing that, of course, I'm going to feel that way, of course, rejection is hard, what do you feel like just knowing that is available to you in terms of like, “Oh, how else could I think of my artwork being rejected?”

Madalonga: I can think of the positive side, which may not be projected. As you are saying, the worst thing that I will feel is some stomach ache or pressure or a thing like that, I will not die. That is when I rationalize things, when I don't rationalize, it's a reflection of automatic.

Antrese Wood: Yeah, of course. I'm so glad you brought that up because this is so helpful for everybody. We have all these practices, we have these automatic responses to things. When we're not paying attention, it's exactly right, when you're not paying attention or when you're just not aware of it, we have automatic responses.

Those automatic responses come from all the times we've ever practiced that response or we've done it before. It's literally hardwired into our brain, there's a stimulus and there's a response. When this happens this is the reaction. Our brain loves shortcuts too because we need them.

Our brain is always going to try to find shortcuts. It's like, “Oh, that happens, then the response is this.” If we had to sit there and think through every single possible reaction, every time there was a stimulus, we would be dead. You have that automatic reaction. What will happen is you, as you develop this awareness, every now and again, you'll be like, “Oh, wait, I see what I'm doing. I don't need to respond that way. If I'm rejected, intellectually, I understand I'm not going to die. This time, I'm going to choose this other way.”

When you do that, you open up a new pathway. You won't do it every single time, but every time you do, you're going to make that pathway stronger. The first time you do it, it will be difficult to remember to do that. It will feel weird because you're not used to it. It'll feel a little bit uncomfortable because you're not used to it.

Then you do it, and you have this tiny little thread. Then you do it again, and it gets a little thicker, and you do it again, and do it again, and do it again. Every time you do it, that thread gets a little bit thicker, and it gets a little bit easier to take that response. Then pretty soon, that becomes the default. But in the meantime, there's some practice to do, just like how you learned how to draw, just like how you learned how to paint.

Madalonga: Thank you.

Antrese Wood: Yeah. With the rejection, there are two things I want to offer all of you with that, is what I just offered you but then when it's happening. When it's happening, if it's in that place where you do feel that high level of stimulus and you do really feel like that, Mia was describing almost like a panic attack, you just want to sit with that and just be like, “Yeah, okay. This is rejection. This is a vibration that is happening in my body. My brain is making it mean terrible things. I'm just going to give myself some space. Allow me to be with it. Just feel those vibrations, not resist them. I'm going to respond to myself with love.”

Instead of, “Why are you feeling this way? It's just a painting. What is wrong with you? It's just a gallery.” Love is the answer. That's the thought I'm going to give you. When you're feeling rejected or when you experience rejection, when you get a letter or an email that says no, I want to invite you to just ask the question, “How can I respond with love for myself? What's the most loving way that I can respond to this for me?”

The rejection led up for everybody because we're all going to experience rejection. That's what we have signed up for. We don't get out of this without rejection. At some point, if you are continually putting yourself out there, if you're really putting yourself out and pushing yourself and doing the work that you're here to do, you will be rejected.

It's normal. It's natural. It's what happens and you get to choose, “What will I make this mean? What will I make this mean for myself if I'm rejected? Am I requiring myself to be the unicorn artist in the world who never gets rejected?” Now that I have, something's gone horribly wrong. That's perfectionism.

I shouldn't have to feel rejected. I shouldn't be rejected. If I were any good, I wouldn't be rejected. If I'd just gotten that smaller brush out and made that one line a little bit cleaner, I would not have been rejected. That's what your brain tries to tell you. That's perfectionism talking to you

Mastery is a whole different thing. Mastery is going to open you up. Mastery is going to say, “Yeah, that sucks. I really wanted to be in that show and I didn't get in. I'm willing to experience this rejection in service of my art and I'm going to allow it and I'm going to feel it and I'm going to give myself the time to mourn the fact that I didn't get what I wanted and then I'm going to get right back up and go again. I know my brain wants to tell me that I'm going to die, but I know I won't and I'm willing to feel whatever that uncomfortable feeling is because what's on the other side of that uncomfortable feeling is everything that I want.”

I'll offer you one last thing, which is this consideration, as we think about what we do, how perfectionism really is a misguided attempt to protect us from feeling something we don't want to feel. But the cost of perfectionism, the cost of that is we don't see what is possible for us. We hide. We don't talk about our art. We don't finish the painting.

There is a very high price tag that comes with perfectionism. Guess what? That is also very uncomfortable. You can feel really uncomfortable because you didn't achieve your dreams because you didn't go after them, because you didn't want to feel rejection, because you didn't want to feel disappointed, or you can be really uncomfortable for a few minutes, while you experience that vibration in your body as you're reading the rejection letter, and you go after your dreams.

Anyway, that's what I have for all of you tonight. This is what we do every single week in Growth Studio. I want to invite all of you to join. I would love to have you in. If it's not the right time for you, that's okay too. I hope you take everything that you can out of this week and you use it and you apply it and you go out there and you get after what is yours, which is your mastery. It is your art.

This is what you are here for. Like I said, when I started this whole thing, my passion was to help other artists create their work because I truly, truly believe that we are the healers in this world. We are the people that make this world—we are part of, we aren't the only people, I won't say that—We are a huge part of what makes this world a better place because we remind people what it's like to be human. We remind people what it is like to see beauty in this world. All right, friends. Ciao, ciao.

One last thing, if you are ready to join Growth Studio, you're thinking about it, you're curious about it, just head on over to savvypainter.com/join. Every week we meet up live for coaching and critiques. You will be joining a fabulous group of artists and we would love to see you there. If you've been thinking about it, come on in. It's so much fun. Again, the link is savvypainter.com/join

Hey, if you want to take what you are learning here on the Savvy Painter Podcast, even further, join us in Growth Studio. This is where you will take what you've learned here on the podcast and apply it, practice it, and take these concepts from just good ideas that maybe you'll do someday to habits that become part of your practice. Growth Studio is a unique community of artists. We meet multiple times a week for live coaching, critiques, and demos. Just go to savvypainter.com/join.